i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
