He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize