my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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