OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
