oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
