I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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