after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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