It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
