I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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