You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You can't special order awesome
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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