even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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