so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
