My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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