Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
