i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
