i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
barbara walters just said penis...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
