i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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