i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
