sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
