I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
