I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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