remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
this is an emotional support booty call
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
