look no pants
my sisters under your porch take her home
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
