If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
