Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
