i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
