my sisters under your porch take her home
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
