So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She bit a glass in half.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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