I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
