sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
