it hurts more in the daytime
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
