I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
