i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize