i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
