She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
