Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
