Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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