is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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