uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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