my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
