discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize