super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
