How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize