I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Text me some of your sweat
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
