No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What drink are we having for lunch?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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