so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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