He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
