he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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