i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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