I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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