I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
