the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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