I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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