Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
