I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
