you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
