either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
