if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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