mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the day after is always just damage control
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We left the knife in your bed.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Randomize
