She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i barfeds in our rink
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
