Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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