So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Two words: blizzard sex
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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