from now on my penis is your penis
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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