does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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