Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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