I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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