Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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