so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize