How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
