I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
