There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
