I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
