in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
