Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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