i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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