I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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