I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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