walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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