the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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