Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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