I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
