i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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