You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
