Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
