She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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