Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
