they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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