never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
