there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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