I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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