I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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