I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
