Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
