Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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