Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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