Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
