Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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