Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize