They should really pass out barf bags in church
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
