Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
